I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
