If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
