The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
