and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My ass is underappreciated
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
