i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
