Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
