ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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