Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize