Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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