I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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