I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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