dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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