She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize