the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
