So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
