the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
