i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
