i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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