i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
