so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
