Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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