why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Be still, my beating vagina.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
