I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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