He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
