i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
