I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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