My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
