If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
