remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
