Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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