If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
