yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
