For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
