Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm passing your future prison.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
