Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
