your room smells of hookers.
And success
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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