don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
