I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize