i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
