you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
