It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is wine microwaveable?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
