That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
