Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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