The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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