you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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