I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
