Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
