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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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