Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
