So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
