I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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