The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had sex on a roof
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
