Dual....:-)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize