i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
