Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
