Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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