Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
