dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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