If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
