my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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