I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dicks are not precious.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize