I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
