Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
