So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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