Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't deserve a penis
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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