Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
