why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
