in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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