If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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